I don't look forward to mornings. I wake up with intense feelings of anxiety and a certain kind of fear that I can't describe. It hurts. It hurts because I can't even pin point what exactly the problem is. Even when I try to keep my mind occupied with other things, the anxiety still manages to surface. It's like a monster hiding in the dark, waiting for me to dare to take my mind off it and then it re-appears. It's like being locked in an enclosed space and running out of oxygen. Over the past few days, my body has been responding to this thing as I wake up to blinding diziness and one-sided headaches. Eating is a chore. I sleep excessively too and no matter for how long I sleep, I still wake up tired. The more I sleep, the more I get tired. I feel like a walking dead, and an encumbered one at that. I look for signs in everything. I listen for voices in the rushing wind I listen for the poetry in them I seek for hope in this darkness I have come to realize that this kind of thing doesn't just go away, that it is ok to not be ok. That it is human to be sad and depressed but I also know that when it persists for too long, it is unhealthy and so I seek for light in this darkness. I seek for light because there is light. Darkness is not all that there is. Pain is not all that there is. Sorrow is not all that there is. There is love. There is joy There is laughter I deserve them too I am stronger than depression. I am braver than loneliness. I refuse to be dead while I am still breathing